From 2020-2023, I suffered from crippling anxiety
I’ve always struggled with major anxiety, but in those 3 years, it was unlike anything I experienced. The last 2 years was paired with depression, and together, they nearly caused a psychotic breakdown.
Let me explain: I experienced mannnyyyy anxiety attacks and a few mental breakdowns. But a psychotic breakdown? I never thought that would happen to me.
Until one night… after scrolling the rabbit holes of Instagram and Tik Tok, I felt an overwhelming warmth and tingle take over my entire body. It felt paralyzing.
It then led to racing thoughts of
Am I real???
Are aliens here and going to take over the world?
Is my boyfriend real? What if he’s fake or just pretending to be my boyfriend?
Is this all just a video game?! Is it even worth it to try anymore if that true?
Do my friends have real experiences? Or are they just robots??
Is my phone tapped?? Can everyone hear my thoughts right now?!
It was terrifying to say the least.
Then I started to read. Specifically fiction books.
Let me start off by adding: I stopped scrolling on social media. It was UNBELIEVABLY toxic. It was what fed my anxiety on a daily basis.
When I took a break from social media, a friend of mine recommended reading The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid. Normally, I read memoirs and non fiction books in the self help genres. But I decided to take a chance on this book because it was so highly recommended by my friend.
Long story short, my ADHD has always caused me to not finish books. I always figured I just wasn’t fit for reading fictional books. I was so soooo wrong. It was simply because I was not reading the RIGHT books.
I read through Evelyn Hugo faster than I read any other fiction book I’ve read in the past. This was the start of my book obsession and when my anxiety/depression began to dwindle.
Fast forward to the day I stumbled across my all time fav bookstagrammer @Hollyreadit
My anxiety went down every time I would read a new book.
Once I started following Holly, I was so enthralled with all her book recommendations. I read 3 books she suggested, and soon realized that I AM, in fact, an avid reader! I was just attempting the wrong books. Or feeling too guilty to DNF any I would start (DNF= “do not finish”).
After reading a few fiction books, I started to realize that my anxiety was drastically going down. My depression seemed to have gone away almost completely. I was worried for a moment that I might be handling my anxiety with escapism by reading.
That wasn’t the case. What was happening was this: I was putting my focus on topics I know that I enjoy which stopped the social media doomscrolling.
Reading fiction books is technically, yes, a form of escapism. But doom scrolling is, too. Yet it is one we cannot control due to the lovely thing we call “the algorithm.”
But books? Books are a form of “escapism” that you personally get to CHOOSE.
You can go to a small town in North Carolina and help solve a murder case.
You can travel to fantastical worlds like Hogwarts, Prythean, or Basgiath.
Reading a book that has some triggers that aren’t vibing with you? Move on to the next book.
Hate the main character bc they’re giving you the ick? Toss it and grab a new book to read. With zero pressure from ads or influencers.
When you read, there aren’t constant ads, photos, videos reminding you that you are broke, too skinny/too fat, too old/too young, not trendy, don’t have enough experience, etc. (I’ve heard that Kindle’s have ads, this was something I was unaware of, so that is one exception to this specific statement)
The books you read tell a story. They bring you to a magical world depicted by the author. That’s it, No BS.
With all that said, I became obsessed with reading. I felt alive again! I was excited to NOT be on my phone so I could continue the adventure that awaited me when I opened the pages of my current read. It was as if 50 pounds was lifted off my shoulders.
Joining Bookstagram brought me back to life
After a few convos via DMs with Holly, she convinced me to start a new Bookstagram account.
So I did.
And I never looked back.
It was the best decision I ever made. Not only am I easing my anxiety with the magic of books, but I am also connecting with other avid readers about these very books and sharing thoughts, opinions, experiences etc with them. I’ve made really really close friends from around the world within this community.
The book community -on Instagram specifically- is uncharted. Everyone is so kind, and welcomes new bookstagrammers with open arms.
Bookstagram is safe. It’s fun. It’s exciting. Are there those few bad seeds? Absolutely. But I’ve never seen so few in any other area of social media.
If you're struggling with anxiety, I highly recommend picking up a fiction novel
I’ve been telling all my close friends and family this for the lat 5 months, like a broken record.
A hand full have taken my advice and sent me messages later on thanking me for reminding them of this option that we tend to overlook.
I definitely suggest fiction novels, though. Reason being that non fiction books (self help books in particular) can put us in a difference place of anxiety/comparison and start the cycle all over again. Memoirs can feel “too close to home” when there are triggers and we know the story has not been fictionalized.
I hope this blog has helped shed light on how powerful fiction novels can be to our mental health.
